Indie Gays

Most people would describe me as an 'indie gay'. I listen to indie music, I dress a bit weird, I have a floppy fringe.. But there is something about the gay indie scene that I just can't get to grips with. They're so quick to criticise mainstream gayers for being shallow and empty. Well, I have a surprise for you guys...

You are really shallow.

And what's more, they're shallow and pretentious. Christ, I cannot count the amount of times I've spent in an indie club playing 'indie deathmatch' (the rules of the game being whoever has the most obscure 7 inch collector's edition vinyl in their collection is the winner) just to prove that I was somehow worthy of talking to someone who wouldn't otherwise face me. And what is it with all the guys who are really quite ugly thinking that long hair and eyeliner will somehow make you a lustful object? Get over yourself. No, really. Get over yourself because you're not the best thing out there since Justin Frischmann dumped Damon Albarn. No. In fact, what I think you'll find is that you're a snotty, jumped up, middle class kid from the London suburbs who thinks they're "so different" just because they bothered to read Nietzsche and Proust, and listens to music that wasn't composed by Max Martin.

If you can't see through the fact that looking down on people just because they don't listen to the same kind of music as you is petty, then you're a pretty awful person. And if you look down on someone just because they're not wearing skinny jeans and some ill-fitting cardigan, then I'm afraid you have about as much depth as the guy in Heaven dismissing someone for not wearing designer shoes.

The fact is everyone fucks up, everyone's made a tit of themselves, everyone's stepped out without their hair GHD'd to within an inch of his life and no-one, I repeat, NO-ONE is 100%, bona fide, infallibly cool 24/7. In fact, if you were, you'd be a bit of a knob anyway.

So here's to the pretentious indie gays; you're a cliche. I thought indie was short for independent, not indescribably boring.