Easing myself back in

Well I finally got dressed at 1pm, went to Starbucks, had coffee and a panini. While I was chewing over things, I thought of my original core values. You may remember that I identified 'freedom' as the one that topped my list.

Reflecting on this experience with Vik, I am thinking that perhaps because I don't feel as though I am quite 'finished' in what I'm doing that the constraints of a long term relationship seem daunting. What if I was offered a job in New York? What if I wanted to move at the drop of a hat? When someone else is involved, a respectful discussion or compromise is involved.

On the other hand... What if, what if, what if. What if someone poisoned me with polonium? You get the picture: these worries are all pointless and premature.

I started to transcribe all my handwritten PhD notes into computer and picked up an academic book. Becoming a doctor is a real, achievable long-term goal that I can commit to... And I've kind of lost sight of that over the past few months. My persuasive academic writing is one of my strengths and I do feel I have a valid contribution. So having some focus is relieving the feelings of confusion.

I ran out of steam as the evening progressed. Two days ago, I finished paying off the loan I took out to do my MA and I thought maybe I could finally move out of my place to somewhere better - this is to be considered when my lease ends in August. 

Also need to spend more time fulfilling my own life. Perhaps I was waiting for a special someone to come along and do that for me, but I need to take more responsibility for my own happiness.

Oh well... Sweet dreams everyone.