Straight mates

God, I just hate it when one of your male friends says "If I were to experiment with my sexuality, you'd be the first guy I'd sleep with." Oh, great. So that's supposed to make me feel better about my chronic lack of a love life? The fact that someone I'm not attracted to in the first place would sleep with me IF (and that's a big if right there) they suddenly thought "Oh, hang on, maybe I don't like tits after all." Well, jeez. Thanks. So with ordinary gay men I'm way down on the list, but with those guys who want to fuck anything that walks I'm the number one priority.

And why the hell do they think it's okay to flirt with you? Get off it. I'll play the game, but I wouldn't go anywhere near that penis if you paid me. And, usually, I don't go for straight guys. They tend not to sleep with men, and that's a massive requirement on my potential relationship list.

Go and try your naff lines on the sleazy bird at the bar!