A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

New Year, New You?

Well having picked myself up off the floor over the New Year, 2008 started with a great big bang that gave me enough determination to carry on with the rest of the year. Within 4 days I had an interview for a much needed new job and I got laid by someone very new for the first time in (*hacks a cough over hsi own words*).

Which, you know, was nice.

I'd like to note I said "someone new". I haven't been celibate :p

And he gave me his number, and we're going on a date on Thursday.

So for all my infinite wisdom, I hate the fact that we always return to familiar ground; the "does he, doesn't he" dilemma. The signs are positive; I text him saying I had a great night. He text straight back saying he did too and he'd see me sometime for dinner, ending it with a "take care." Okay, back off, I think and I'll wait till I ask him for a date to text next. Two days later I say "So would you like to meet me before work one evening?" (working nights is a pain in the arse, sometimes). Again, text in 5 minutes "Sounds great. How about Thursday? Let me know what time." Again, punctuated with the eponymous "Take care". So now I'm wondering if I text him back a time or should I just "take care"?

I text him a time. He said "Perfect. See you soon"

I'm confused. We have a time, a day... But I have no idea where we're going or what we're doing, and I'm too scared to text because I should apparently be taking care of myself right now. Worse still, he's absolutely gorgeous. Really. I mean, I don't think I've ever laid someone as inarguably gorgeous as him. The kind of gorgeous where people wouldn't say "I don't know; he's not really my type" but more the kind of "Oh my God, just stick your penis inside me" type gorgeous.

So I'm even more confused; I left my ex because I thought I could do better and when I do I feel like I don't deserve it. I was quite happy to let it be a lucky one night stand, but it was him who asked me for my number and now I'm just in a sea of unfamiliarity.

However, the great thing about being a bit older and a bit wiser is that you learn to ride the rollercoaster and not stress so much about the details. But here we are... It all starts again: The Game. But I don't know who's playing it more; him or me?

I guess I feel in the weaker position again. Analysing every detail, wondering if he would have asked me out if I hadn't asked him, does he still have his eye on other guys, or is he thinking that this could work?

All this and not even a first date. I need some valium.

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