"Let's just be friends"

So you go out for a few drinks, you know the silences are bordering on awkward, but you limp on hopelessly anyway... I mean, he's been screwing you for a couple of weeks now and you might as well see if you can get another shag out of him. So everything's going well, you walk to the tube station and he says "I'm going home". Okay... "Alone".... Right I can see what's coming

"Okay then," you say. I mean, you're a big boy now. What's another failed dating experience but something to... I dunno... Write a blog about maybe? Or another amusing anecdote at a party?

"I'm sorry"

"It's fine"

"It's just-"

"It's fine. Really."

And after a long silence you take it upon yourself to say "We both knew it wasn't going anywhere anyway". True, I suppose.

And then they say "I hope we can still be friends"

NO! We can't still fucking be friends, okay? Well, thanks for rejecting me but here's the consolation prize... You know; what we had before WITHOUT THE SEX. Well, thanks a lot. Cheers. No, really... I like being at a bar, sitting at a table and thinking "Hmmm.... I've fucked everyone at this table. I'm so glad we can all still be friends. You know, because this is a friendly awkward silence we're all having."

Yes, let's forget those friends, you know the real ones, who have stuck around time after time. I think I'd rather go out and not have fun with you, you stupid fuck.

You know, you were never the most important thing in my life, so I really don't feel the need to keep in touch. It wasn't the most monumental 3 weeks of my life, and somehow I think I'll get over it without having you as a 'friend' to counsel me through it.

AND NOOOO!!!! I will not fucking say we can be friends just so you don't feel so bad about dumping me, and I don't have to try anymore or make an effort when I do see you because that's it. IT'S OVER!

So, let's not be friends. Let's be civil, but let's call it quits and walk away from a half baked travesty