A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Monday, January 06, 2014

First day back...

So first day back and it's a case of kicking my own arse. I've swallowed some frogs and decided to get on and do somethings, let others lapse. First of which was telling the university photography stores that I was going to return my photography equipment late... She's a pretty officious lady so after getting some shirty emails I smoothed it over. I also arranged the first supervision of the year with my PhD supervisor and I'm thinking of doing a photography shoot at West Norwood cemetery on Thursday or Friday so I can generate some more 'practice' from which to draw some conclusions for PhD. I feel half like I'm playing catch up, half like I'm getting back into the game.

Work was a bit of a drag... Pulled myself through the day. Thankfully I had two tasks to do that kept me going. There was also a birthday cake presentation thing for three people. I always feel weird about these birthday things. You have to all coo over the person's birthday and then stand around feeling awkward while you wait for a piece of cake. Hate hate hate that. Scrambling for baked goods as though you were a peasant.

I had Wasabi for lunch and spoke to Kim about the situation with Vik. She said I didn't sound too cut up about it, and when I mentioned we were having physical problems, she went, "Oh... That early on in the relationship is not a good sign." So that kind of made me feel a bit more vindicated. I still think about messaging him but I don't know what purpose it would serve if reconciliation is not an option. It's so messed up. If Vik is not the one, then the bar has to be much higher than I originally thought.

On that note, someone named Geoff who I've been chatting online to on and off for years wants to meet up. I've put him off today because it's tipping it down and, quite frankly, I'm not really going to be at my best after the first day back at work after a fortnight. Somehow I think this meeting is never going to happen. And I feel that dating is even more pointless post-Vik. Surely, what I am actually looking for, is that face-to-face initial magnetic attraction that becomes the strong kind of love. And, while internet dating can facilitate that, it actually doesn't substitute.

Hey ho... Here we go into the evening.


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