A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Monday, February 05, 2007

Single and Fabulous!

I'm single. There's no prizes for guessing that, but usually I'm quite happy being single. I'm fairly independent, I like to do what I want to do without having some whinging poof asking me where I'm going or who's texting me. I like to do my own thing.

Occasionally, though, we all go through lonely periods, horny periods, dry spells and heartbreak. Now, I've certainly found from my experience that I'm too damn picky, moany and whinge-y when things aren't going my way in my love life. Today I deconstruct the single myths:-

1) I'm desperate to have sex, but no-one will have it with me

Bollocks. If you called up your ex and said, "Hey honey, how are you? Uh-huh.... Anyway, shut up. Your cock in my mouth?" they would be round there in a shot. The fact is you don't want to. You're actively choosing not to.

2) No-one ever chats me up

You ever tried chatting to them instead of doing your wallflower routine? Or perhaps you don't realise that, from across the room, your 'come hither' look looks more like 'fuck off and die'. Plus, believe it or not, guys are intimidated by those they judge to be better looking than them. The fact could be that you're an absolute stunner, but no-one would talk to you because they're too scared. The key here is either to stop going to clubs to get chatted up, or start doing the chatting! Otherwise, sit back there and eat those sour grapes

3) I just want to be in love again

Really? I mean seriously? All that crap that comes with love? Handing your heart out to someone on a plate just so they can shove it in a blender and hit puree? Just so you can cry in that really ugly way and shove your face full of Haagen Daazs as if it were a replacement for any kind of emotional nurturing? Having to constantly 'talk' and judge whether it's 'working' and being responsible for someone else's feelings?

I think you're better off alone with your Tesco Value microwave meal for one.

4) I don't do one night stands or casual sex

Why the fuck not? You think it makes you morally superior or something. Just remember "Virginity isn't divinity, it's just a lack of opportunity"

So before you reach for that bag of Haribo, remember; you're single and fabulous exclamation mark! Don't be co-dependent and wet.


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