Expectations

Today my own thoughts have been driving me insane. I started the day with a run, tried to meditate for 20 mins, dropped off my laundry and my mind was just thinking about all the sexual things I'd done. Some I'm embarrassed about, others I feel I can deal with.

I did this live chat with relate counselling. I remember the guy said to me that I had unrealistic expectations of relationships and I had to think about what I really wanted. Perhaps make a list. He said that I had random sexual encounters with people because reinforced my belief that what I was looking for didn't exist. And yet, on the other hand I worry when I'm in relationships because I think it's not worth it and it will end anyway.

To be frank though, it was driving me insane. I had to get out of the house. I went to see Dil and we had some drinks. I had to get out of my own head.

Inside I'm despairing, unsure I'll ever find anyone again.