A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Thursday, March 06, 2014


Today my own thoughts have been driving me insane. I started the day with a run, tried to meditate for 20 mins, dropped off my laundry and my mind was just thinking about all the sexual things I'd done. Some I'm embarrassed about, others I feel I can deal with.

I did this live chat with relate counselling. I remember the guy said to me that I had unrealistic expectations of relationships and I had to think about what I really wanted. Perhaps make a list. He said that I had random sexual encounters with people because reinforced my belief that what I was looking for didn't exist. And yet, on the other hand I worry when I'm in relationships because I think it's not worth it and it will end anyway.

To be frank though, it was driving me insane. I had to get out of the house. I went to see Dil and we had some drinks. I had to get out of my own head.

Inside I'm despairing, unsure I'll ever find anyone again. 


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