A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Friday, March 14, 2014

Love's labours lost

Right so... I've not watched porn for three weeks now, and I have not masturbated since my last sexual encounter. Today was another tough day... I was very horny, cruised Gaydar and Grindr for many hours which is very bad. Felt like lapsing into old behaviours. 

What is frustrating me at the moment is that gay culture is very isolating. Everything is experienced through screens. Even watchingpornography has become this self involved thing, enabling us to reject anything real in favour of being emotionless masturbating banana slugs.

Then when it does come to sex it always has to be 'damaging'. Topping, bottoming, using, fucking blah blah blah... Racing to a finish line every time you have sex, leaving as soon as it's over. Just pushing intimacy to the corners and out completely.

I just wonder if it is possible to fall in love anymore with all this narcissistic damage and distancing going on. Even if my heart opens, has gay culture gone so far that everyone else is more interested in self gratification than true love?



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