A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Where have you been?

Well, I've been rock bottom, I've been to Montreal (6000 miles there and back), I've been finding a new job and I've been completing the first year of my MA...

But on the love life front, there has been a barren desert of nothingness. No new lovers to speak of, and dates have been pretty average.


In fact, you get to the point where you wonder if they're worth the effort. I went on one recently and he said "We DEFINITELY have to do this again." Sure. Okay. Fine. When I text him to ask if he was available it was a different story; "Err... Sorry, the age gap is too much for me." (which was 10 years... I wasn't asking for his hand in marriage). It doesn't even bother me anymore. The quicker the say no, the less time you spend arsing around with all the other stupid stuff, like pretending to be interested in their knowledge of English monarchs, or their ability to tell you which line of dialogue is from a certain episode from Friends. I met up with another guy who was one of those "I'm not into you, but I'll give you a chance".

Guess what? I wasn't into him even after I gave him a chance.

Dating is a catch-22; if you don't go on dates, you're less likely to get anything sexual/ intimate/ emotional with anyone, but if you do go on dates, the less likely you are going to want to date in the future.

And so the cycle continues. I have taken to chatting up the most unlikely people in the worst places then swanning off somewhere else. Kind of like a cat playing with it's food and deciding not to eat it after all because it would just be greedy and pointless. Still, some sparks would be nice, but all it seems I'm doing is bashing two pieces of flint together for the sheer hell of it.

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