A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Monday, January 26, 2009

When it's good, it's all good but when it's bad...

I think I'm kind of seeing someone.

I mean, I never really meant it to happen, it just kind of happened. Somewhere inbetween joking about having a pet dog called Bruno and staying round his house all weekend, a month later I find myself in this predicament.

He tells me that he 'worries about me'. He remembers everything I say. He pays attention to me. He listens.

I'm really not used to it. He offered me a lift home in his car the other day and I refused. Things like that make me realise that I have become far too independent over the last three years- refusing help, becoming too self-reliant, never putting myself in positions where I would feel I 'owed' them something.

And so what's wrong? It all sounds good, right? Well, I didn't really mean for it to happen. I can't see myself spending the rest of my life with him but we get on really well. So am I self-sabotaging? I've already pulled away and told him that it wasn't what I wanted, but then we just ended up back together, on his sofa laughing about having an imaginary pet dog called Bruno and staying round his house all weekend.

What do I do?