A gay indie boy living in suburban South West London recounts his trials and tribulations dealing with sex, sexuality, growing up and getting older

Friday, March 30, 2007

Suddenly in demand...

And then comes the time of year in every single person's life; being in demand. However, being in demand is not the walk in the park, pic 'n' mix, mix 'n' match heaven you'd envision in to be. No- being in demand is absolutely hellish.

For one thing, your social calendar becomes even more clustered. So as well as getting round to see all those friends in your social circles, you now have to squeeze in Mr. 'I could be the man of your dreams, or this could just be another waste of time'. But, being the way I am, I'm always saying, "Errr... I'm busy Saturday night. I have a window between 4.30pm and 4.37pm. Perhaps we could fit an awkward silence in then? That'd be great, thanks".

Secondly, you can't tell anyone of the dates that you're going on that you have a date arranged with someone else. Don't get me wrong- I'm not slutting myself around town, but if you decide to go on a first date with a guy, there's no point in telling one of the other guys that you're also going on a first date with someone else that week because the likelihood is that neither of them will work out.

I remember my old psychology teacher used to say "The guy who asks a lot of people out on dates gets a lot of rejections... But he also gets a lot of dates." It's a numbers game; the more people you meet, the more likely you are to find someone you like.

I have to admit, it's a lot of fun as well


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Thursday, March 08, 2007

The Rant: Why do women think they get it bad?

I was going to post this on www.ihatemen.org, but decided to treat whoever reads this to it instead:-

Why is it only bitter women? Some of your gay brethren get equal, if not worse treatment, from men.

At least women get a little bit of respect. At least they'll try and romance you for a couple of days first. We're put in the situation where, if you don't put out straight away, you're labelled 'frigid' or a 'prude' and if you do you're left with the door slamming in your face and a piece of paper with their MySpace address on; you know, so they can ignore you for the rest of forever, but then you get to spend time looking at those stupid questionnaires they bulletin and find out the most traumatic thing that happened to them at 3 years old.

If you ask me, they should be more traumatised about how shockingly bad in bed they usually are. Never thought men had to fake orgasms? Sometimes I've just rolled over and said "Don't bother." I find it saves us both a lot of time and effort.

And then you're laughing and joking with a girl friend and they say "Oh, why are all the best men gay?" and you laugh, but inside you're thinking "No... Just no." Talk about homophobia; *I* hate gays. Why? Because I have to date them, and I think that gives me the God given right to hate them more than those bloody Neo-Nazis out there. So you think bumming is wrong? Well, try being kicked out of bed at 3am and wondering round the streets of London trying to get a cab home because they're 'done with you', like some kind of used Kleenex that they can dispose of. It's pretty hard not to hate them after that.

What's even worse is that your straight friends will introduce you saying "This is my friend... He's gay". And you think "Oh, thanks... Because there's nothing else interesting about me at all... Like the fact I play guitar, or write music. No. It's who I sleep with that *really* matters". Coupled with that, at parties straight friends will introduce you to the most vile person and say "This is Kevin; he's gay too. I thought you two would hit it off."

Why? Because we both like to sleep with men? Well, James and Simon both prefer brunette women, but I don't see you introducing them to all brown haired uglies in the room. Thanks. For nothing.

Added to that, you get the people who think you're some kind of fashion accessory. "Oh, you're gay?" a blonde haired girl will shriek at you. "We can read Vogue together and listen to Kylie... You must like Kylie all gays do.. And go shopping, and check out guys and..."

And you think "Actually, I hate Kylie. I hate shopping, and I've never read a fucking copy of Vogue in my life and I'm not about to start. Thanks all the same, but perhaps you need to spend some time with some real gay men instead of running off that little gay stereotype in your empty, pretty, little head."

I digress. Needless to say in my dating history has diminished my faith in ever finding a man who is intelligent, or even just half decent. Instead it's a series of games including not calling you, then calling a month later because they were probably seeing someone else at the time and wanted to keep you onm the backburner, those famous "I'm not really looking for a relationship, but I hope we can be friends" words and, of course, I think we're moving too fast. Moving too fast? Isn't that the kind of insight you require before you sleep with someone? Before the romantic days out in Kensington Gardens?

And "I'm not looking for a relationship"? Well, neither was I! I didn't even mention the 'R' word that seems to have men running for the hills. It was *you* who said it, and now you make *me* look like the bunny boiler? Which, I add, is probably what he tells all of his friends down the pub when they ask him.

So thus ends my rant. I just wanted to get my POV across

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Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The Single Cycle

And no; I'm not talking about how you should wash your whites. It's the life cycle of the single gay man.

1) Fresh out of a relationship, with residual bittnerness and angst dealt with, the gayer realises he can now go on the pull again and have lots of casual sex with people that mean nothing to him

2) Gets bored

3) Tries dating, and remembers how much dating sucked in the first place B.B. (Before Boyfriend)

4) Thinks about calling ex, but is disturbed by cute guy at the bar, and remembers his options are open now

5) Sleeps with cute boy at the bar

6) Feels good about oneself then lapses into residual boredom feeling

7) Tries dating again, and remembers how dating didn't really work B.B.

8) Out of frustration calls ex and sleeps with him, consequently feeling guilty and confused having to deal with the 'why aren't we together' feeling from one or other partner. Lies to ex and said there have been no others since they split to paper over the cracks

9) Tries dating, but this time decides not to sleep with them on the first date, and then realises how that didn't really work B.B.

10) Lapses into apathy, and realises he can go on the pull again and sleep with lots of people he may or may not remember the day after

11) Apathy gives way to bitterness and frustration. Tries to change appearance/ life/ sexuality in order to give a fresh start and a new focus

12) After distracting himself for 4 months, he posts an internet ad including such phrases as "bored of the scene" and "generic guy seeks similar"

13) After waiting a month and still receiving no replies, reverts to step 1)

The cycle is usually broken at step 11, when gayers usually decide there life is actually okay and are too busy becoming noveau indie/ setting up performance art nights in fields in the Midlands/ chasing after a girl when some guy called Joseph waltzes into the bar and coincidentally seems to like the same things you do, and shags like a rampant rabbit running off of a car battery.

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Saturday, March 03, 2007

London Social Life

Now, I'm a boy of humble beginnings; I grew up in a small town called Corby, Northamptonshire. It's pretty routine for friends and relatives to drop round unexpectedly, have a cup of tea and a chat, and then go and do whatever they were doing that day anyway. Having grown up around this, I came to expect that one day, when I was an adult, dropping by for tea is a routine thing.

That was before I counted on moving to London.

London is a place where 'dropping by unexpectedly' is rare, and 'spontaneous' amounts to texting a friend suggesting you go out about 4 hours before you do so. Recently, I tried to arrange going for a drink with a friend.

"How about the 5th of February?"

"Can't. Not in town that day. The 13th?"

"Ah, I'm working that night. Can you do the 22nd?"

And so on, and so forth until I think every date in February was mentioned and both of us were too busy. So that's another month I don't get to see this friend of mine. Thing is, I now also find myself planning my social calendar weeks in advance just so I can get round everyone! You're probably thinking "Oh poor you. How awful it must be to be popular."

It just means that everything else is cut. If I subtract my working hours and sleep, my week is already severely diminished. Add into the mix devoting spare time to creative pursuits AND going to see friends, that means I have about... Ooo, a couple of hours to myself every week. And those hours are probably spent getting showered and dressed to do the other things!For somewhere so vibrant, it just takes so much time to do anything here!

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