Getting older...

I never realised how much harder it gets to keep dating the older you are.

To be honest, the major factor to contend with is the sheer boredom and apathy factor of it all. At this age, now the grand old age of 26 (which is death's doorstep in faggot terms), you consider your prospects; you can either go out of a night, get bladdered and throw yourself at something on the dancefloor, or you could save a lot of time, effort and money by staying at home with a cup of tea and some curlers in your hair. What's the point, you think. I probably won't meet anyone, and if I do, then it won't turn into anything meaningful.

So going out starts to wane. And so do the people you come into contact with. You get more selective about who you spend your time with, where and when. And a lot of the time it happens to be with friends you've known for years. Friends who have no need to go out, get bladdered and throw themselves at something on the dancefloor because they are in a relationship.

But you convince yourself that spending quality time with your friends is more important than any man. Except it's not. Because your friends won't be engaging you ina full on passionate embrace that night.

So your sheets start to get a bit cold. But, you know, you think what's the point? You could be having sex with someone, but it would probably just be for the sake of it. And it probably wouldn't last. So it's fine.

And then you're even more removed, finding that when you do go out with your single friends you feel old- past it. You look around at the 18-23 year olds and you think, "uh-uh, absolutely no way." And in their mildly amusing fashion, they walk around with this air of self-importance. The kind of self-importance you used to walk around with, for example. And you know they're looking at you and thinking, "uh-uh. Absolutely no way." But that's fine- you convince yourself that you'd just end up patronising them anyway, saying platitudes like, "When I was your age..." which you knew, when you were their age, would have royally fucked you off.

I was DJing a night in Soho the other night and some 19 year old girl came up to me and asked me to play Metronomy, which I do have- at home. She looked at me and sneered and said, "Do you have anything else apart from 90s indie?" and I felt the final nail in the coffin.

I feel so old.