Random Rant

I just need to get this off my chest...

I come into work today and receive this e-mail

Has anyone got Tom a birthday card? I think it was his birthday on Saturday. I know Ian mentioned it to Claire on Friday but we didn’t get around to doing it in the end. Could you pop out and get one I’m not sure if I’ll get the chance to go out today. I can sort out for everyone around here to sign it...

Oh, hai you. Why don't you go and get the fucking card if you're so bloody concerned about it? In fact, why didn't Ian and Claire spare a thought when they were colluding on Friday instead of leaving it till three fucking days later (when, coincidentally both Claire and Ian are on fucking holiday)and asking me, someone who barely knows Tom, to then purchase his birthday card just so you lot can seem like you care. If I cared, I'd probably know the date of his birthday. In fact, I've only been here 7 bloody weeks and you're already taking fucking liberties.

Cock off.

And no, I'm not a morning person.

The Rant: Why do women think they get it bad?

I was going to post this on www.ihatemen.org, but decided to treat whoever reads this to it instead:-

Why is it only bitter women? Some of your gay brethren get equal, if not worse treatment, from men.

At least women get a little bit of respect. At least they'll try and romance you for a couple of days first. We're put in the situation where, if you don't put out straight away, you're labelled 'frigid' or a 'prude' and if you do you're left with the door slamming in your face and a piece of paper with their MySpace address on; you know, so they can ignore you for the rest of forever, but then you get to spend time looking at those stupid questionnaires they bulletin and find out the most traumatic thing that happened to them at 3 years old.

If you ask me, they should be more traumatised about how shockingly bad in bed they usually are. Never thought men had to fake orgasms? Sometimes I've just rolled over and said "Don't bother." I find it saves us both a lot of time and effort.

And then you're laughing and joking with a girl friend and they say "Oh, why are all the best men gay?" and you laugh, but inside you're thinking "No... Just no." Talk about homophobia; *I* hate gays. Why? Because I have to date them, and I think that gives me the God given right to hate them more than those bloody Neo-Nazis out there. So you think bumming is wrong? Well, try being kicked out of bed at 3am and wondering round the streets of London trying to get a cab home because they're 'done with you', like some kind of used Kleenex that they can dispose of. It's pretty hard not to hate them after that.

What's even worse is that your straight friends will introduce you saying "This is my friend... He's gay". And you think "Oh, thanks... Because there's nothing else interesting about me at all... Like the fact I play guitar, or write music. No. It's who I sleep with that *really* matters". Coupled with that, at parties straight friends will introduce you to the most vile person and say "This is Kevin; he's gay too. I thought you two would hit it off."

Why? Because we both like to sleep with men? Well, James and Simon both prefer brunette women, but I don't see you introducing them to all brown haired uglies in the room. Thanks. For nothing.

Added to that, you get the people who think you're some kind of fashion accessory. "Oh, you're gay?" a blonde haired girl will shriek at you. "We can read Vogue together and listen to Kylie... You must like Kylie all gays do.. And go shopping, and check out guys and..."

And you think "Actually, I hate Kylie. I hate shopping, and I've never read a fucking copy of Vogue in my life and I'm not about to start. Thanks all the same, but perhaps you need to spend some time with some real gay men instead of running off that little gay stereotype in your empty, pretty, little head."

I digress. Needless to say in my dating history has diminished my faith in ever finding a man who is intelligent, or even just half decent. Instead it's a series of games including not calling you, then calling a month later because they were probably seeing someone else at the time and wanted to keep you onm the backburner, those famous "I'm not really looking for a relationship, but I hope we can be friends" words and, of course, I think we're moving too fast. Moving too fast? Isn't that the kind of insight you require before you sleep with someone? Before the romantic days out in Kensington Gardens?

And "I'm not looking for a relationship"? Well, neither was I! I didn't even mention the 'R' word that seems to have men running for the hills. It was *you* who said it, and now you make *me* look like the bunny boiler? Which, I add, is probably what he tells all of his friends down the pub when they ask him.

So thus ends my rant. I just wanted to get my POV across